When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
