and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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