she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
