Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
