that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize