UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
