that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
