Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
