You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
not ubering you a puppy
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
