Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
