Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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