If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
