i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
