So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
