jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My bed smells like the plague
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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