At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
