i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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