So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
