She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
