hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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