I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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