My nipple is on Facebook.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
