you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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