i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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