America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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