My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
