I faked an abortion last night.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
