last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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