You just made me feel so damn special
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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