it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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