Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
