actually, I'm a sock model
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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