Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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