Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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