If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize