She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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