your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize