Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
