I wannas sexs uuuuu
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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