laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
