A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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