I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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