i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
