Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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