halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And then he peed in my hair
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