I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
