I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you never un-have a 4some
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
