My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize