Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
