you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Shame - the story of my life.
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