I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
