spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
