can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
