just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
