Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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