how can u be prego again
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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