I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize