I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize