21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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