Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
