If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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