i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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