I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
