also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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