Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
