mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
