so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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