Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
