Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
