Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
