she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
