I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
