So drunk its hurt
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
