Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
