How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
