im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize