when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
