FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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