her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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